Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
not ubering you a puppy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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