i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
