Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't deserve a penis
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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