Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize