nut hugger
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's the barista slut.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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