Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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