I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
COCAINE IS GR8
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
