So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
