It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
