i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
