Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
