Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
