so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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