WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ok first of all what the fuck
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
