If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
