I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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