Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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