I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
