Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
