My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
