): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
