It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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