If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
