Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
