so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize