I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
