So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
