Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
