i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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