i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
