I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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