All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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