i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Panties = found
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize