I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
