I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
