that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
