Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
