I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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