He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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