Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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