it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
