just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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