Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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