You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
