So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
