too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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