Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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