I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
