Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
