You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
