I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
