Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
