I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize