It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
