We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
