So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
