I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
