Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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