I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
