a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
