just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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