i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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