party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
