we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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