I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize