when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
