therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if only i could text you this smell
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
