No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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