can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
